If you have been to a casino lately then you will have noticed something; a singular lack of superheroes at the gaming tables. You may think you have glimpsed James Bond enjoying a game of high stakes poker in Casino Royale, but Mr Bond is a secret agent, rather than a superhero, so he doesn’t count. Besides, he loses a huge amount of money to Le Chiffre initially and no true superhero would allow that to happen.
The truth is that those beings blessed with otherworldly powers are just not welcome in traditional casinos anymore. Fortunately, they can still sate their inordinate desire for a game of blackjack or 75-ball bingo online, thanks to some high-quality casino sites, but their presence in the casino halls from Monte Carlo to Macau, Gotham City to the Death Star, will never be requested due to a list of problems at the gaming tables.
It all started innocently enough when Iron Man, made famous in the recent film series by Robert Downey Jr, was enjoying a little down-time at a Las Vegas casino. Standing quietly amongst the slot machines, all was well until one short-sighted old dear started feeding quarters into his eye socket and trying to yank his arm down to set the reels in motion.
Iron Man later complained it was doubly difficult to try and deal with terrifying villains while he had around three dollars worth of quarters and nickels ratting around inside his iron underpants. Thankfully, this is no longer a problem as he now plays online slots.
Batman fared little better in the casinos of Gotham City. During one particularly bad night, he had just finished his rounds at Arkham Asylum before popping into one of the bigger casinos for a quiet game of blackjack. The awe-struck croupier opened a new pack and shuffled the cards immediately, without taking care to remove the unnecessary cards. All was well until she turned over a card for another player who had decided to twist.
Looking down she saw an errant card; “That damned Joker” she exclaimed. Their minds fuzzed by the free cocktails they’d been supping, Batman and Robin leapt into action immediately. Several ‘kapows’, ‘ker-blooeys’ and’ zzzaps’ later, there was thousands of Dollars worth of damage, several clowns from a nearby circus pressing charges, a tearful croupier looking for a new job and the dynamic duo promising to play their casino games of choice online in future.
It wasn’t any better at the poker table in Metropolis. Clark Kent decided to spend the evening as Superman enjoying a game of poker with some of his superhero friends. Lex Luthor’s plans to strip Superman of his wealth came unstuck when the Invisible Girl crept up behind Superman and saw he was using his X-Ray vision to discover what was on Lex’s cards.
As a result, the bald villain was on a long losing streak until he slipped on his Kryptonite gloves and forced Superman to leave the game. Indeed, Luthor would have achieved a notable victory had Thor’s hammer not knocked Doctor David Banner’s gamma-ray tea into his lap. The game ended in disarray when angered by the spill, Doctor Banner transformed into the Hulk and started to smash the place up for no apparent reason.
Meanwhile, at the Death Star casino, Stormtroopers threatened industrial action when it was revealed that Darth Vader and the Emperor had been profiteering on games of roulette, using The Force to direct the ball into the most advantageous number on the wheel. Strike action was only averted just before the Rebel fleet arrived, when the Dark Lords agreed to play the game online from now on and only use the force to stir fry Jedi.
With Spiderman unable to fold any hand due to the cards sticking to his webbed fingers and the Six-Million Dollar Man unable to get past the metal detectors on the door, it is easy to see why so many superheroes and villains now get their kicks from online casinos.